Reassessing

Photo by Taitopia Render on Unsplash

Changing priorities, timelines and expectations for a fruitful year-end.

Hey, Cozy Friends!

We are officially in the fall months. At least that's how it feels on this rainy start of October. Entering into the third trimester has begun this week and I didn’t think that I would feel that different from a week ago, let alone a month ago since I started writing this weekly blog. But I am starting to feel the changes, as well as the overwhelm of working on my brand and business before Christmas and the excitement of this new chapter welcoming our first baby.

There is so much to prepare for on both ends. I have been cycling between weeks focusing on branding and business and then baby prep. At times, it makes me feel torn, overwhelmed and frozen. I get lost on what to focus on because I feel like my attention is pushed in different directions. And spreading myself thin has been the constant feeling and reality. The beginning of our depressing weather here in Vancouver and the pressure of learning some new skills quickly makes the entire experience into this new phase of brand building and motherhood me feel stagnant and dejected.

All of these negative feelings cause me to pause and really think and reflect this week how I want not only this month, but the rest of the year to go. What is really essential and necessary, and moreover, how can I make this time not only manageable and fun, but also fruitful. Like many of us with dreams and goals, the first steps are usually the hardest because they require the most change from us. And a lot of change all at once is naturally without its challenges.

So how to cut through the noise and set new expectations that are not only manageable but also realistic and motivating for one in this season for change?

Reflecting on my feelings about my goals.

For any big goal (losing weight, learning a new skill, or saving up for a trip are some of mine), there are small, focused, daily habits and skills that are necessary to practice in order to reach that goal. I think for myself, this is how I was able to get myself to get up and run at 5am in the morning for a couple months earlier this year. I had clear, simple parameters, a set time, and a strong reason that made this goal of daily physical exercise and mental discipline easier for me.

On one hand, I still love the thought of building my own brand and business. Maybe I was biting more than I can chew with a baby on the way? I didn’t count on the baby brain, the rise and fall of hormones, sensitivities, and stresses to affect me so much. Pregnancy is different for every woman, and I thought I would be able to manage. I think I am doing okay. But I feel the resistance, the doubt, and overwhelm creep in as the due date gets closer.

On the other hand, I am still researching and navigating what the baby’s needs are, food and nutrition, birth, and work-life balance post-partum. We haven’t even started nesting our home for our baby as thoughts of moving apartments and possibly cities loom. It feels like there are so many factors outside of our control that it is hard to plan and start putting things into place if we could be somewhere else in a few weeks or even months.

Perhaps how I was planning and going about this brand building is too overcomplicated in my head? Maybe, I can still bootstrap something by the end of the year before my baby comes that can be a first version of the brand and business? Can I be happy and satisfied with that? Am I making significant progress on building the skills I need to market my brand? Will my designs be good enough? Have I planned enough time with family and friends before the holidays and before the baby comes? Where will we be when the baby is born? Will we be moving sometime before or after?

These are the constant thoughts that swirl in my head. And for an orderly planner like myself, going with the flow with so many decisions and possibilities is intimidating. So in order for the spinning to stop, this week, I made it a point to listen, reflect, understand and reassess what really is needed at this time.

Focusing on the emotions, mindset and habits to build and nurture.

I think for any big change or journey towards a big goal, it starts with our emotions and mindset in order to focus our actions. I understand our emotions are signals to our consciousness of how we are truly thinking deep inside. By understanding our emotions and what they are telling us, we can understand how we are instinctually and honestly feeling and thinking about a situation and address those emotions accordingly. For example, when I am feeling stressed, it signals to me that I am taking on something new or dealing with too much at a given time. To address that stress, I try to manage my expectations or time better so I don’t feel overpowered by my thoughts and emotions and freeze up.

So for these two goals that I am trying to work through, building a working brand and business and being prepared for my birth and baby, I need to get clear and focused on my emotions, mindset and habits (actions) to reach these goals holistically and successfully. The first thing that comes to mind is priorities. What is most important here? For me, it is clear that I need to focus on preparing myself as a mother and parent for my baby. I want her to be safe and happy and well taken care of, so I need to focus on what that means for her.

The reason I wanted to start a business before she arrives was to help financially support my baby and family post-partum so I can be more present for her development as long and as much as possible. Great idea, and I love that idea, it is still a goal. But as I reflect on the timing, my capacity, and reality, I realize that I will need to scale back on my expectations and timelines for developing my brand and business now. That goal can be broken down into mini goals. And what comes to mind for that is focusing on skill building.

I have never really owned a business, let alone operate an optimized or sustainable business at that. Yet, with my experience working for other small and medium-sized businesses and substantial interest in business, I am continuously learning and planning what that could possibly look like for me and my family. There is so much to learn about founding and operating a business that it requires a whole set of skills in order to develop, execute and manage on one’s own. So while preparing for the baby (which I think is most realistic at this time), I will continue to develop these skills that I think will be helpful for growing my business (more actively) probably next year.

Unpacking what excites me for these next couple of months.

The skills that I have the most exciting emotions around are content creation, video editing, and storytelling. For work, I have created all kinds of content, from brand visuals to business documents, to social media campaigns. It is an exciting space to be in. Add our love for video, audio, and animation, content can be both engaging and overstimulating. I definitely consume a lot of content on a daily basis. Whether it is listening to music or a podcast, watching a YouTube video or scrolling and saving posts on Instagram, I am constantly exposed and fed content.

Over time, I recognize my pull towards this consumption. My desire to stay on top of the news, learning new skills or simply to be entertained or inspired by funny, beautiful or interesting things are my reasons to explore different types and mediums of content. But I also recognize, as a new little person will come into my life, my views on how much time I spend on my social media feeds is changing. I don’t want to be doom-scrolling or wasting time. I want to focus on learning and building while being mindful of world events. Therefore, I think a detox of sorts on how much and what content I engage on a daily basis is in order – and I am excited about it.

Looking inward to the content I want to create, I want it to be like a visual diary telling the story of my life and journey. As social creatures, we want to be seen and heard. It doesn’t mean we always will be by everyone, but for those that we connect to, I think there is our place under the sun. That is what I see as the purpose for building my skills in content creation, video editing, and storytelling is to connect with other cozy creatives navigating life with our unique, aesthetic eyes, making it more beautiful and meaningful for those around us.

Channeling skill-building into daily practice.

I enjoy working in sustainable systems. It gives me order, enough of a challenge and payoff and a goal to work towards. What I find fun about systems is that it is always being refined and fine tuned until you hit that sweet spot and the system just flows. I love being in that flow. When I am in that flow it feels like playing because I am having so much fun.

I recall when I was a kid spending hours and hours drawing. I would fill notebooks and sheets or paper with sketches, drawings and paintings. I remember receiving art supplies for birthdays and Christmas. It was just so much fun for me. I would practice getting proportions and expressions right, envisioning and sketching compositions, replicating characters and scenes that inspired my own style, fashion and aesthetics. There were expectations except my own and it was my own world to explore and dream up of.

I reflect overtime with my career in design, I lost some of that sense of exploration and patience for experimentation in art and drawing. I still have muscle memory and skills. But with design briefs, deadlines, and new skills producing visuals on the computer, I became accustomed to designing functional, optimized and clean brands. Don’t get me wrong, I love design! It amazes me how beautiful, thoughtful and communicative design can be.

Yet, I still yearn for the pressure-free, imperfect, exploratory, and experimental expression art gives. Not every line or stroke needs to be pixel perfect. The visual can serve more than the purpose, but express something human and connect in deeper ways. The skill of enjoying the process, the story, the creation of art. I want to marry the artistic process with the intentionality of design. I want to show the mess, the drafts, the thought-processes – the real stuff – that comes with a design or brand. Because let’s be honest, that is what life is really like.

I think I have been so focused on looking professional and optimizing systems, that I forget that the process of creating something new for oneself and others is often disorganized, doubtful, incoherent and messy, until it goes through the process of development, reiteration, and refinement that what is at the heart starts to shine through more clearly and sincerely. I know how it feels to express myself through art and design. As a shy kid, art was my way of expressing myself because words seemed so daunting and intimidating.

Now that I am older and have experienced a little bit more about life and have had more time understanding myself, I am feeling more confident (or more audacious) to voice my thoughts and feelings myself. I think building these skills will help me to articulate myself better, share my stories and experiences that others may share or feel as well, create more than I consume, and give my skills and talents a spotlight to show that the hand-made art, design, and creation is still beautiful, expressive, valuable, and continues to connect us to our humanity and each other. 

So wish me luck as I focus on preparing for my sweet gift coming this Christmas and building the emotions, mindset and skills to welcome her into a world that is cozy, creative, and full of life. So take this as a reminder as we head into the weekend to listen to your emotions, whether you think they are positive or negative. They are trying to communicate your deepest desires. Listen, reflect, and act. Maybe a small change or adjustment is what’s needed to get you closer to your goal. Let’s stay cozy and creative together!

– Sincerely, Patricia